The idea of judgement is something I'm familiar with. This summer I played an experiment on the reasons why people choose to assume and talk about each other instead of ask questions. The only question I seemed to be asked was whether or not I was okay. No one bothered to ask that before I went insane. I experienced a period of time of psychosis where I couldn't sleep for days. I have a hard time believing or trusting people after the man I loved the most left me because I was assaulted. People don't seem to understand that you don't need to have sex with someone to know that you can still be assaulted. Here in Utah, many women and men actually have experienced the same exact thing that I have. They stay silent because of the fact that they are too afraid to admit to the past. I own my story, and I choose to own it because my story is more important than anyones. I may be extra smart, but I also know the pain that is in this world. I may piss people off because of the fact that they seem to think they relate.
Pain is something I have experienced on multiple occasions. What's interesting is that I never was a porn star in the first place. It's interesting to see how people will view you if they think you're a porn star. It's amazing to see how people react when they read things like that. I chose to post that because there are plenty of women out there that actually need assistance because they are so poor that they choose to sell themselves to help themselves. A lot of local prostitutes have their own story. Violence is something that I can understand, but that does not mean that I shouldn't stand up for them because I have the privilege of a supportive family. My stepdad and my mother have been letting me stay in their house because I don't even have the ability to work at all. I am tired and feel frail because of all of the energy from others. I hate the fact that people will assume that just because I fight for others means somehow I don't care. Maybe I care way more than a lot of the legal system does. I choose to protest against the idea of violence being used to solve emotions.
So today, I got to be able to confront a situation head on and I don't care what happens because of it. I don't care because I have seen enough violence and pain to know that it doesn't matter what happens, because I have always been okay.