I'm going to be real with all the women out there. I am horrible at dating. I don't know if I'm the only person like this, but I actually hate going on dates. Making myself up to look cute and fancy is not in my schedule. Maybe it's having three different jobs, but honestly dating sounds like the most exhausting thing. Don't get me wrong, if girls who like to dress up and go out to a nice restaurant or a concert that's really exciting for me because I get to watch them feel beautiful for a minute. Seeing women who put on makeup and the looks on their faces when they feel more confident in themselves is wonderful to see. I guess I'm just too tired to care. The effort of pretending to be something I'm not is not really in my energy bracket right now.
Dating seemed to me to be just really uncomfortable moments with someone that I didn't know wearing something I didn't want to be wearing and talking about something I didn't have an interest in. Flirting honestly is boring to me because there are better and more important things to be doing with my time. I honestly enjoy helping people more than I do pretending to be someone different. Being with someone shouldn't be that difficult. In my mind, the person you are in a relationship with should make you feel comfortable enough to not care about how you look or what you wear. My ex used to tell me when we first dated that it didn't matter what I looked like because he thought I was beautiful even without makeup on. It was the first time I felt like someone had called me truly beautiful, even though I'd heard it before. That is one of the moments I appreciated back then, and something that I remember now that I loved about him. When you leave any relationship, it's important to remember the things that you realized mattered more than they did in the moment.
Maybe that's why I don't care about dating anymore. It could be the dozens of things that I need to do before August 1st. Maybe it's the fact that I have a dog who has behavioral issues and needs a lot of attention. Or it could be the number of hours I've had to pick up at other jobs. Or that I run out of health insurance in September, don't know if I'll have the internet, can't remember the last time I slept more than 4 hours at a time. Or who knows, it could be because I really hate dating.
All I'm saying is, if a woman in adulthood really sees all of the responsibilities and decisions that you have to deal with, there are more important things than whether or not you get asked out on a date. If you are the kind of person who gets worried about not going out on a date ever again, I have a piece of advice: instead of thinking about the next romance, take a second and look around at all of the people around you that you could be enjoying a conversation with. Talk to that older woman that's sitting next to you on the bus. Or that little kid who's excited about his fruit snacks. It doesn't have to be someone who takes you out to fancy dinners.
My favorite thing to do right now is slightly odd, but totally gratifying. Every time I go to the grocery store and I spot an older man or woman putting their groceries away, I walk over to them and help. It's amazing to me how many people don't do this anymore. Every time I have done this, I always get a welcoming and surprised smile by someone who didn't expect any help. Another thing I love to do is to enjoy the people that I'm around in the moment. I have a lot of friends even though I've been really bad at doing things outside of my comfort zone. I have so many people who care about me because instead of planning to be friends, I choose to be best friends with everyone in that moment. I find that if you are just yourself in front of someone you don't know, it's a lot easier to not care about their opinion because who knows if you'll ever see them again?
Maybe that's why I'm really bad at dating. Planning to be something I'm not is impossible because I am already bad at planning to spend time with my friends. I've gotten a lot better since this all happened, only because of the fact that I realized that the most important people in my life are the friends and family I have who stick with me because they do know me, and love me because of it. I would rather use my energy on those that don't expect it than on those who expect me to be something I'm not.