. I feel like I clued myself out to a lot of things on purpose. It was because I was terrified of being left behind. Maybe that's why all of us do what we do to survive. It seems like everyone I meet has some sort of trauma or another.
I want to thank all of the amazing cops out there, for all of the hard effort that they put in to help me remember what I needed to do. Thank you to all of the strong people specifically the government officials who decided to take action and talk about what really matters.
I honestly felt that maybe I just needed to prove a point for myself. There are girls and guys out there and lawyers and cops and my family. I may not fully understand yet what I want to do in my future, but I'm pretty sure I want to be a cop. And that's super annoying considering that I have the hardest time with cops. I think it's because I have the hardest time watching the people around me suffer for things because they didn't know why. Racial inequality, sexual assault reform, all of those things matter to me still. It's just maybe I'm supposed to learn from the cops as well. That maybe it's not about speaking the absolute truth. It's about speaking your truth. I spoke mine, but that does not mean it is entirely accurate. I don't understand how I feel in times of trauma. I forget things and I choose to passively resist because that is all I wanted to do. I have resisted for too long though considering that a lot of what I do is what a lot of cops and people do anyways.
My neighbors have been the kindest people to me. Everyone in Salt Lake City, Utah and everyone in the country deserves a round of applause. I fooled myself so I could remember that maybe all I want to do is help people again. And if I have to be a cop to do it than I will. But, honestly, having things said behind your back hurts most of all. And maybe that's why I asked everyone to do what they did. Because I needed to remember why I paint and why I want to help women and be a cop or victim advocate or supergenius or anything I want to.
I personally want to apologize to every government official I blamed for this. Even President Donald Trump. Disrespecting the office is not my way of acting. Maybe I said all of this to prove a point as well. Even the President of the United States has feelings, but maybe all I need to do is just apologize like this. It doesn't matter what government position you hold, the law matters.
All I want to do in life is share my story. I want to share why I do the things I do and say the things I say. I didn't know what I was doing because I was traumatized so severely from things out of my own control. I take responsibility and action for all of my mistakes because I choose to be that person.
Personally, I want to thank the two therapists out there that made a difference. And most of all thank you to the three cops out there who made a difference in my life. And if you're not a cop, if you're just a person who has problems, stop on by Sugar House Coffee. I don't mind hearing stories. But, maybe that's why I didn't want to know. Because I don't need anyone to know how smart or capable or pretty I am. I just know that all of those things mattered in the moment. Maybe even I need a little help sometimes, and I bet it was a lot more than I thought.
Thank you though to all of the important women out there who know me and love me: my family, my friends, my loved ones. And thanks most of all to the man I used to remember. I won't say who you are because I don't need to know. But honestly, that is the person who deserves the most out of this post. Because I hurt people's feelings sometimes and I don't know because I'm not aware. Maybe the less aware everyone is about themselves the more beauty can happen because of the truth.