What I'm hoping to do in the next six months is to start sharing some of the reasons I think art and painting is the most beneficial way of healing from trauma. I haven't felt comfortable posting about my own personal opinions because I know that everyone's journey is different. While I hope that me sharing can help someone, I would like to first say that I am not a doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I am not a trained professional in treatment, only a trained professional in being dealt trauma and having to work through on my own (and with support from my family). Dealing with trauma on your own is difficult enough with a support system, and even more difficult doing it alone. So to all those girls out there who feel alone and don't know what to do, please contact me and let me know, because no one should go through it alone.
What's hardest to do is to let go of the fear of being hurt or being abandoned. It feels like your suffocating in silence and all there is are your thoughts and every horrible thing that you believe about yourself. I spent a lot of time as a kid being alone, and what was hardest was not feeling hurt or frustrated by those who did not want to spend time with me. I feel like that is a lot of people's fear, even if you have many friends or none at all. What I realized when I was in 9th grade though was how I could personally take accountability for how I was interacting with my environment. If one person or two people don't like you, big deal. But, if you are having problems with many different people, it might be necessary to take an inward look at how you are choosing to present yourself as an individual. I realized that my biggest problem with gaining friends had nothing to do with what I believed it to be, it had to do with the fact that I was reacting like I was in battle mode.
I know now that it is nothing to be ashamed of to have mood swings or feel angry inside. It is actually healthy to feel as long as you know how to communicate it effectively. Being accountable to myself gives me the chance to look at my day and see what I can do as a human being to be a better person to the world around me. Painting taught me a lot about that. Painting allows me to clear my mind from all the anxiety and realize what I need to be accountable for in my own life. It's hard sometimes to not see the world through the eyes of someone who's been hurt. It's hard not to want to blame others for the reasons why you are behaving the way you do. I won't try to sugar coat the idea that changing your perspective that drastically ever gets easier. I do know that the minute I decided to take accountability for my own actions was the day that I started to see my weaknesses as opportunities to grow. I promise that if you look at your mistakes in that light that one day you'll see that you are worthy of love.